Tuesday, October 27, 2009

"Bloodied Up"

The Internets!!!

I've got nothing for ya. Blank! Eeeeek.

Oh. Except that it's almost Halloween and I have put together three costumes for the four different goings-ons. Minnie Mouse, Zombie Prom get-up, and Zombie flapper.

I love Halloween time, I do!


Friday, October 23, 2009

"Just Like That"

Dearest The Ints,

Remember when I told you I'd been feeling kind of blue (see: ridiculously depressed and listless) and very not myself? And how I said that I've been slacking on the basics lik oh, you know: wearing makeup, maintaining my eyebrows  and combing my hair with an actual brush?

Well, no more of that! I'm officially shaking it off in 3..2..1...NOW!

Now that I'm no longer sick I'm going to become 100% invested in myself. To prove how serious I am about this I went to the store and bought a nice new brush to replace my old favourite one that suffered a tragic end in the vicious hands of a 2 year old boy that will remain unmentioned by name...


P.S. Walmart has cute basic black GEORGE cardigans. And fat girl leggings in the basic colours for $7.00. I know, I was pleasantly surprised. Go get some! Or don't, I don't care.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

"This Is Just A Modern Love Song"

Dearest You,


Beth Ditto for Target.
Beth Ditto for H&M.
Beth Ditto for Torrid.
Beth  Ditto for AnyStoreInAmericaThatICanPhysicallyGoTo.

Is that really too much to ask?  I didn't think so. Why should evans have all the fun? Who can I talk to about this?

Long live my pipiest of dreams! And  long live the King! Elvis, that is...



Tuesday, October 20, 2009

"A Celebration Upon Completion"

Dear The Internets!

Ay. Dios. Mio! (Oh. My. God!)

I'm not exactly sure why I'm so excited for this (see: it's not like any of it will fit me... unless there's a scarf or two in the mix.), but I am. Are you ready?  Jean Paul Gaultier for TARGET? Yesssss! 

(( (((http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2009/10/jean_paul_gaultier_to_do_targe.html))) ))) See!

Congratulations are in order, Skinny Bitches. I tip my hat to you. On the ol' (availability of) Fashion Scoreboard-  You: 3,382,561 Fatties: 13.5

(Do you just love how I cleverly made the TARGET logo with a HEART? Thought so.)

Terribly green with envy,


P.S. I hate would like to punch people who refer to Target as T-ahr-jay. Its not even cute! Your attempts at faux-"class" are insulting.  Seriously. The logo isn't a bulls-eye for nothing.  Now go stand in front of it so the rest of us can shoot you with our poisonous arrows of trivial hate.

"Death At One's Elbow"

Yo, Internets!

I've been dying for one of these satiny bow necklaces ever since I saw 500 Days of Summer a billion times last month.  Now I see Torrid has one!  Believe you me, I need another necklace like I need a 4th chin...but ughhhhhhhhh think of how adorable I would be? Think of the children!!!!!!!!!!!


I'll look into it for us, Internets. K?

Lovingly yours,


Monday, October 19, 2009

"A Little Less Conversation"

Dearest The Internets,

I want to thank you for being so patient with me. I know I said I would post daily outfits on here and as of yet, I've given you NONE.  Bad, bad, ekg♥!

Not here to offer excuses, but the truth is my trusty old Canon died. I tried to CPR it, but my attempts were futile at best. I guess digital cameras don't last forever, especially when they've had their fair share of rough-n-tumbles. I would post fone pictures (and I've contemplated it!), but the quality would suffer and I would be unhappy.

So give me time, friend! I have not forgotten why you come here, nor why I took on this...thing.


your ekg♥

"I'm a Loner, Dottie. A rebel."

 Dear The Internets,

Today went from dumb to completely outrageous. Ugh, feelings. Who needs them? When I'm feeling blue, I know I can always count on PeeWee Herman.

Long live Paul Reubens!

Okay, Internets; I know what you're thinking. If I love him so much then why don't I marry him? OH, I WILL!



Dear Internets,

I am home sick. As I type, there is a mad storm of awfulness brewing inside of me. It's rather disgusting!  I'm feeling super light-headed and giggly, however, so I guess there's an upside.  Before I fall asleep again, I wanted to come show you this lovely find for Fall...

$22.50, online only

Yes, that's right! Our very own black miniskirt made entirely of sequin (and love!) Thank you, Wet Seal.  You done good!

Now... if only your entire plus collection wasn't "online only." Grrrrrr...?

On a sad note: Dear Torrid, Please stop making your plaid pleated miniskirts.  Forever!  They're an insult to all fatties who are actually fashionable and cute. I don't care if they're a top seller. They're revolting. Seriously. Have you ever seen them out on the streets? The people who buy these every year are tragic because you keep supplying them with a garment that they just don't know how to wear.  It's all baaaaad news! Fail. Fail! Make it stop.

Your friend in sickness and in health,


Saturday, October 17, 2009

Where the Wild Things Are

Dear The Internets,

I saw Where the Wild Things Are last night. I'm having trouble putting my thoughts together on it. I thought that if I slept on it, something might come to me, but nope...

I was very delighted to see the book come to life on the big screen. It was visually pleasing, the score agreeable. The set was magnificently stimulating, as were the costumes. The story was beautiful, sweet, and sad. I did cry, let me just put that out there right now!  Tears will be shed.

My biggest issue with Jonze's vision is the fact that he developed an intricate expanded story with intricate characters  then went on to let them deflate on their own towards the end. Also, the movie could have been shorter, much shorter. The sadness seemed to drag on for everrrr, with that many r's.

Even when Max was back home with his mother I was not happy. All I could think of was the fate of the creatures he left behind, and that they'd probably have more problems because of their encounter.  No one was going to be okay.  Not Max, not Carol, and definitely not the one-winged rooster, Douglas.

I'm not sure about everyone else but I left the theatre feeling empty and melancholy. Almost despondent?  And with a big urge to read the classic book immediately so that I could rid myself of the burning affliction bestowed upon me by a brilliant man with very good intentions.  Hmmmmmmm...

Definitely worth seeing for yourself.  I may go a second (or third) time myself  just to reprocess it.

Younger children and suicidal adults need not apply.

3.5 out 5 cupcakes; for being beautiful.

 Rumpus-ly yours,


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"The Joy In Discovery"

Dear The Internets,

I am what my sister refers to as a "scavenger."  I'm pretty sure she means this as an insult, but if you look up the definition in a dictionary the 2nd definition isn't half bad...

scav⋅en⋅ger [skav-in-jer]


an animal or other organism that feeds on dead organic matter.
a person who searches through and collects items from discarded material.
a street cleaner.
Chemistry. a chemical that consumes or renders inactive the impurities in a mixtu

So maybe I am?

In true scavenger fashion, I recently collected this from her discarded materials and its now my favourite school bag EVER.

I usually just use a back-pack or a large purse, but sometimes backpacks and cute outfits don't mix and the weight of my crap is killing my Betseyville collection. This bag looks as though its a freebie from Bloomingdale's. I say this because it has a "bloomingdale's SOUTH COAST PLAZA" tag on the front.

So you're looking at the hagard pic and wondering why its my favourite, right? Okay, I will tell you.  Its the perfect size for my laptop, school books, folders, all other random shennanigans one carts around. The strap is just the right length...aka doesn't cut off my fat arms' circulation. And last, but not least, the material is really sturdy.

The cons to this bag? The label, clearly. But also the colours. Don't get me wrong, March-July that wouldn't be an issue for me but white ughhhhhhhhhh. I need to find this exact shape/size/material bag in all black or some sort of cutesy year round pattern.

Hmmmmm....On a mission!

Love ya, mean it!


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

"1-2 Crush On You"

Dear The Internets-

People are in a huff because Karl Lagerfeld recently said some mean things about fat women and models. Um...not shocking? Really? Is anyone SHOCKED AND APPALLED that the fashion industry is a huge fattie hater? Didn't think so. I could care less, really.

BUT! This whole thing did make me laugh when I read what Erica Watson wrote for the Huffinton Post:

My first issue with this is that Karl Lagerfeld himself is not the smallest berry on the tree. As a matter of fact, he looks like he wears a size 14/16 at Lane Bryant. I would never be able to date Karl Lagerfeld for fear that he and I would show up wearing the same fabulous animal print top from Ashley Stewart. (Full...)

AHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH... I'm peeing myself, really. No. Really. Imagine this scenario in your head. It's hiiiiiigh-larious! Karl Lagerfeld is such a beeyatch that he'd make you go home and change, too.

Oh, The Internets. People are chuuurayzay!

Ah. And if you're wondering why this doesn't upset me, but this does? It's simple. Karl Lagerfeld is not a real person. He's just some creepy old dude creating beautiful garments that will eventually trickle down into my reality through the crazy fashion cycle.

Carry on!


Monday, October 12, 2009

"Make Damn Sure"

 The Internets!

Oink oink! (That's How do you do? in swine-speak, fyi.)

My sister is incredibly desperate for me to get the H1N1 vaccine because I work with children and I am a germ/disease magnet. She is so adamant about this, in fact, that she has officially warned me; if she gets the swine flu due to my failure to vaccinate myself she will take me to small claims court. Can she even do that?

Feeling cornered,


"Blue Skies, Broken Hearts...Next 12 Exits"

Dearest The Internets,

I'm in a funk. An awful one. This has been going on for a while, but as of late its reaaaaally taken a toll. I feel lazy, tired, grumpy, and generally apathetic to 83.5% of everything I would normally care greatly for. I'm not sure what's going on, but I feel toxic. Have you ever felt toxic, friend? It's not pretty or fun. No, sir.  I feel like a wind up toy who's lost her turning key.

I hardly do my make-up, let alone spend more than 2 minutes on my hair. I wear the same accessories day after day, or often opt for none at all. (I know, its baaaaaaaaad!) I don't even bother with things like shaving or nail polish until I absolutely have to..and honestly, sometimes not even then. What's gotten into me? The weird thing is I feel great at night. When the sun goes down my mood comes up and then everything feels alright. People become more tolerable, things don't seem as bothersome, and everything seems possible.  I've also gone off my vitamin/supplement regimen and that's never good news. It's a vicious cycle, I tell ya.

Yes, school is time consuming. Jobs are...being jobs. But I'm standing on the edge of Sanity Cliff, here. I'd love to have a week! Just one week to get my life and my head together. Unfortunately, the calendar says that's currently impossible, so I guess I'll make the best.

The truth is I miss my best friend. And that's what it boils down to.  My grades are suffering, my relationships are suffering, and my image is definitely suffering.

Pray tell, The Internets, what makes you happy when you're feeling beyond sad?

Your friend,


Saturday, October 10, 2009

"Cold And Blue And Lifeless"

 Dear The Internets,

BOO! Admit it, I scared you! Okay, maybe not?

October is my favourite month of the year; Halloween my ultimate holiday. Every year I break down and revel in the awesomeness of Halloween merchandise...stickers, cards, candy, jack-o-lanters, decorations. You name it, I hoard it!

I'm still on the fence about this year's costume, though. I have a lot of ideas but no real action plan. I am, however, absolutely enamoured by the thought of me in this !!! Slutty fairytale character costumes aren't really my thing, so I would put a twist on it. ZOMBIE Snow White...er...."Snow Princess!" (Sorry, Disney Licensing Police.) Everything is better when there's zombies involved.

We shall see. October 31st is still a few weeks away. I can always pull out something I already own and save myself the $70. Cackle, Cackle.

Frightfully yours,


Friday, October 9, 2009

Jennifer's Body

Dear The Internets,

A dear friend saw and loved Jennifer's Body this week and our conversation reminded me that I should share my thoughts on it with you, even though it's been out for a depressing  x amount of weeks now.

Let's be frank; I want to have babies with this movie.  Lots of them! And while we are being honest, let me also tell you that when I found out Megan Fox was Jennifer I was beyond annoyed. I was kind of a Megan-Hater prior to this movie...which is weird because I would never watch Transformers and her part as Carla Santini in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen is but an insignificant blip in teen-movie heaven.  Off the top of my head, I can't even think of anything else she's ever been in so it's weird that I would dislike her so much for no good reason.

My utter annoyance for the lead actress was not enough to trump my love for Diablo Cody so, unwillingly,  I went. Even as the movie was starting I kept thinking "Uuughhhh Megan Fox!" (For the record: my dislike for her had nothing to do with any disdain towards her pulchritudinous appeal! That's not my style.) But moving on...

Bollocks!  Spank me with a stiff monkey tail and colour me surprised. She blew my mind with her portrayal of Jennifer Check in ways that teenage boys only dream of! Oh and the Codyspeak, how I loooove the Codyspeak.

Jennifer's Body is: humorous, consciously cheesy, slightly twisted, pretty to look at, a good way to spend 102 minutes.

Jennifer's Body is NOT: supposed to be seriously "scary", nor is it the total shitfest that people are making it out to be.

I give it 3.999 out of 5 cupcakes and a tongue in my cheek for good measure.

Satanically yours,


P.S. Come over so we can sit in my room and listen to Maroon 5 records.

"Paint a Vulgar Picture"

 The Internets-

There are days when nothing in the world makes me feel more disgusting than my movie theatre uniform. The heavy non-slip men's shoes that are all warped because I stand ridiculously pigeon toed. The polo that scratches my skin and clashes with the majority of my blush selection. The black men's workpants that are just disgusting mostly because I only have one pair, but also because they're mens pants and men have no hips so no matter what size I get I always have wild muffin top. I have always tried to make it fun  (see: bearable) for myself by wearing a hair accessory or a fun ring, but...yeah.

Carry on.. 


P.S. Have you ever worn a work uniform, Internets? Tell me about it...


Dear The Internets,

Finally! A movie breaking down zombie survival that  actually stresses the dangers of public bathrooms.

If you haven't already, you NEED to see Zombieland! It's vital that you do. Imperative, even! Let me make this an official review by calling this film a hilarious good time in a bloody handbasket! Woody Harrelson is a God and I am a believer.

4 out of 5 bloody human-heart cupcakes!

Hope all is peachy keen with you and that zombies have not overtaken your city and eaten your brain. In the event that they have, however, the only thing for you to do now is to nut up or shut up (see Rule #30). Godspeed!



Wednesday, October 7, 2009

"It's a Metaphor, Fool"

Dear T.I.,

Yikes! I had to stop taking Mexican Art History notes and show you THIS...

( McQueen, 2009, Paris)

I love Alexander McQueen as much as the next gal, but those "heels" are just...a little much. Just a tad.

Until next time,


P.S. Yes, all my blog titles are definitely song titles...wink. (Unless it's a movie review, in that case the title is the movie title. Cha cha cha!)

"Beautiful Disaster"


I am so excited to share this blog with you. I came across it  thanks to  Weesha's World. "Our Quiet Revolution" (posted on 10/07/09) is a wonderful piece that I think will hit home with many.

"First and foremost, we must love ourselves. Self-love and self-care are our greatest weapons in the quiet revolution to reclaim diverse beauty."
"We must also constantly and earnestly praise each other. Remind the women you encounter that YOUR definition of beauty is wide and broad and inclusive."


So here's a challenge for today a while: go out there, find something beautiful in someone, and tell them!

Yours truly,


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

"This Could Be Love"

Dearest The Internets,

I'm feeling a little woozy and my heart is racing. B & Lu's Fall 2009 dress selection is begging to be loved by yours truly. I have selected my Top 3 choices in the dress catergory. Ready...GO!

1.) The Layla Dress- Plum
Who can say no to that neckline? Please, I dare you!  I can see myself being ridiculously good looking in this dress and some gray slouchy boots.

2.) The Raquel Dress- Black
Basic. Black. Boom! Enough said.

3.) The Owl Dress- Paprika/Gray
This one is not actually "NEW" and I've had my eye on it for a little bit, but its definitely praise worthy. I love owls, I love dresses and I love color blocks. When those three things come together as one, well, colour me in lust.

Feverishly yours,


"Head First"

Dear Internets, 

I'm sitting at the University Center in the most comfortable ikea-type chair my butt has ever encountered, in case you're wondering.  It so wiiiiiide and roomy. Good job, person who selected the seating!

So I just wanted to hop on for a second and talk about how much i adore headbands. I'm definitely a head accessory person, so this should come as no surprise to anyone. Hats, headbands, hair flowers, hair bows, love it all!

Lately I'm rocking uber headbands, though. Like today.  I got tired of being the girl with all the flowers so I'm switched up my image to be the girl with all the bows. Kudos and cupcakes to my pushers at Forever 21 and Torrid for keeping me stocked...especially Forever 21, who's price points are ON POINT with my college-student "budget". There's something about the $3.80 price tag attached to most of their headband selection that makes my heart skip a beat. (Torrid, take note! You can buy 3 headbands at F21 for the same price as 1 at your store. Hmmmm...)

Okay. There is a girl yelling at her boyfriend in here. It is apparently very serious.  SHE IS DONE, PATRICK! SHE CAN'T TAKE CARE OF YOU ANYMORE. 



your ekg♥

Monday, October 5, 2009


Dearest The Internets,

 I have been asking myself the same question you have.  But truth be told, I'm not exactly sure why or how donuts came to be so delicious. It just...happened?

Also, I plan on doing daily/weekly outfit pictures very soon.  CHA CHA CHA! So stay tuned for that, if that's what you're into and we can be the business!

Thanks for reading!

Your girl forever,


Sunday, October 4, 2009

"Every Girl"

 Dearest The Internets,

A long-time friend recently informed me that "bigger girls try harder."  Actually he said "bigger girls, try harder." But I don't know who invited the comma to the party,  so...yeah.

First: Let me address that my usage of the word friend, in this case, should be taken like a grain of salt. Because really, anyone who would actually consider, let alone go through with, telling me this obviously has questionable ideas of how friends treat and talk to each other. Moving on...

This made me think about this "stereotype." Alot. I will call it a stereo type because I have not personally met every fat girl in the world (Has Lil' Wayne? I should contact him. His expertise would come in very handy.) so I cannot tell you that yes all fat girls "try harder" or that no, fat girls "don't try harder." I'm going to take an educated guess and say that some fat girls probably try harder, and some don't, and some try somewhere in the middle. I will also go out on a limb and assume that some skinnier girls try harder, some don't, and some try somewhere in the middle. Basically, lots of girls, (fat, medium, skinny) "try harder." And I'm no expert but I can only assume that desire stems from issues like insecurity, self-image, peer pressure, etc. and not necessarily their dress size. Aww, I love dresses!

How did this cruel generalization even come to be? Some guy (I'm being nice here!) probably had a date/sex/some sort of interaction with a fat girl one night and he probably liked it. However, he was so worried about what his bros would think (OMG! They're all going to laugh at him for scoring some pussy!) so he rationalized what had just happened by saying "Well, yes she is fat. And I could NEVER be attracted to a fat girl, that's disgusting...but I actually enjoyed this experience...so I'm just going to tell everyone that even though she is fat, she was worth it because she tried so hard to please me!" Yeah, lets go with that. The sad truth is she probably didn't have to try very hard at all with this one, if you know what I mean. (And I think you do!)

So now here we are.... stuck with this disgusting, vile mentality that its okay to fuck/friend/date/know the fat girl because she will "try harder" for you. 

Grow up and get real, little boys. Next time you think that only fat girls are "trying harder", go down to your local strip club, Hooters restaurant, sorority house, dance club and ask yourself if its really just the "bigger girls trying harder."

So now I bet you're wondering what kind of fat girl  I am. Do I try too hard, not enough, or just right? I guess it just depends on the day. Sometimes I try harder at having the cutest outfit, sometimes I try harder at getting the best grade on a class assignment, sometimes I try harder at being a better person. Other times I don't try too hard to understand all the idiocy around me, I don't try too hard to keep people around who aren't worthwhile, and I certainly have done a real splendid job of NOT making use of my gym membership.

So there you have it, The Internets. Fat girls are so unpredictable! If only we just tried a little harder... 

Onward and Godspeed!



"Grand Theft Autumn"

 Dearest Internets,

A dear friend and I were briefly commenting on our excitement for Fall...Autumn, if you will. (And I think you will.) Fall is the greatest fashion time of the year. Why, say you? Well, because you can do so much! Lets be real for a minute... don't we all just look a million times cuter when we are not sweating our proverbial balls off? Yes, I thought so.

The purple sky is the limit to my Fall-time wardrobe! Scarves! Hats! Tights! Leggings! (okay, this is year round, but shhhh...!)  Layered necklaces! Multiple bangles! Sweaters! Cardigans! Vests over sweaters! Belts over sweaters! Belts over cardigans! Boots! Boots! Boots! Do I really need to continue?

My fat girl heart flutters and my entire body tingles at the thought of this most wonderful season. Don't get me wrong, all those things can definitely be worn and enjoyed year-round... especially by people who don't live in atrocious weathered cities (unlike myself)! However, during this time of year you can wear those things AND sip delicious hot cocoa. Yeah, I said it. Hot cocoa!

Mmmmmm....Fall! I'd marry you, if I had the chance. Or at the very least, make you my top bitch.



P.S. Tell me, The Internets, what are some of your favourite fashion trends and staples for Fall?

Whip It!

 Dear The Internets,

Whip It was incredibly entertaining! Juno is a really great skater, makes me hate my parents for never letting me rollerskate as a child. Grrrr! What was their deal? But, really, I'm not BITTER or anything.

I give it 3 out of 5 cupcakes. Lost points for the dumb love/crush story that was completely irrelevant and/or useless.