The Lovely Bones

Yo! Internets!

Saw The Lovely Bones last night. It was okay. I'm not entire sure what kind of expectations I had of it going in, but to be completely honest I didn't feel anything coming out. Nothing. It didn't really touch me. I'm not sure. It was longer than it probably should have been and at times (see: often) the imagery was excessively overdone to the point of boredom. Yeah Peter Jackson, I'm talking to you. We get it, CGI is cool. Yawn. Snooze. ZzzzZZZzzZzz.....

2.75 out of 5 yummy cupcakes

Still,  a must see for anyone who enjoyed the book.  But if you wait for DVD, it won't kill you (and leave you stuck in the middle.)

Plus, Internets, I'm so in love with Stanley Tucci!  He was tremendous in the role of the despicable George Harvey. Every time he came on screen I wanted to bash his face in with a rusty crowbar.

Sincerely,

ekg♥

Youth in Revolt

Dearest The Internets,

I've been neglectful, haven't I? Please don't hate me.

4 out of 5 cupcakes

Youth in Revolt was absolutely perfect. Michael Cera has delivered yet another impeccably perfect "Cera" performance. Love Love Love!

And who would have known that sweet and innocent Charlene became a slutty single mom after the design firm went under. What would Anthony Bouvier do???

Exclusively yours,


ekg♥

The Blind Side

Internets-

The Blind Side was heart-warming and entertaining.  Sandra Bullock is riiiiiiiveting in the innovative role of  a rich, aging white woman. Oh...wait....what?

2 out of 5 yummy cupcake hearts

I can totally see you watching this on DVD. Maybe eating some red vines. Drinking a cold carbonated beverage? Yeaaaaah...I can see it.

love,

ekg♥

Brothers

Dearest The Internets-

I saw Brothers last night. Every time I see Jake Jyllenadskjfklajdfljadfall and Tobey Maguire separately I always have to stop and think "Is this Jake or Toby". ALWAYS. Thanks to Brothers, I might not have to do that as much.

The movie was fine. And you know what, I'm sure there is a huge audience out there (see: military people and their families, people who have brothers, people who have a heart, etc.) that will really really love it. I was bored, frankly. More Jake Gyllenhaal, less everything else please.

I'm not even going to rate this movie because I wouldn't know how to even start.

Love,

ekg♥

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Dear The Internets-

I must be brief.  Fantastic Mr. Fox was...well, pretty cussing fantastic. George Clooney has always been a fox in my eyes and now he gets to be one literally. Thank you, life. For little enjoyable treasures such as this.

4 out of 5 stolen cupcakes

Yours,

ekg♥

"The Twilight Saga: New Moon"

Dearest The Internets-

So, as mentioned in my last post I saw New Moon last night. (Neener neener, I saw it before you!) Just kidding.

Guhhhhhhh...where to begin? Let me preface this review by saying that I am a big fan of the Twilight Saga books. And now, to slaughter all your hopes and dreams...

 (awesome screencap courtesy of: me!)

The movie was...boring. This is not a total surprise, however, because "New Moon" is actually my least favourite of the books. I find it dull and painful to read. How much time can one spend reading about Bella's pain and anguish? PASS! The movie managed to capture the essence of the book completely, which I guess is a good thing if you enjoyed reading about Bella Swan's misery for hundreds (feels like thousands) of pages. I did not. So you can see that I went in with a bias.

Throughout the movie, I found myself not being able to pay attention (see: texting, staring at the ceiling, squirming in my chair, etc). I also found myself quietly snickering at parts that I'm almost positive weren't meant to be funny. I will admit that as soon as Bella and Alice get to Volterra, I started to enjoy the cheesefest more. Unfortunately, it's already a little too late by that point, no? The studio wants to tell you that the movie is 130 minutes long, but I think that's a farce! This movie is actually a VAMPIRE and its 130 years long. Or at least that's how long it felt.

New Moon Twitter  texts:

10:17- NEW MOON!

10:36- LOL @ glittery edward

10:54- I don't care what anyone says, kristen stewart is a horrible over-actor.

11:13- Not going to lie, kinda disappointed. 

11:14- But the soundtrack is good. I hate bella.

11:19- SPOILER ALERT: Jacob is really buff!

11:20- Jacob just took his shirt off. That's good.

11:43- SPOILER ALERT- Jacob is a werewolf.

12:17-They're in Volterra. This movie no longer sucks. Much like the book, I guess.

12:39- SPOILER ALERT- I think there's going to be another movie.

Can you feel my pain?

And can I please talk about Kristen Stewart, the queen of overreaching? I can't stand her style of acting. Remember that episode of Friends when Joey was talking about his acting method? AKA "smell the fart?" SOMEONE took that advice a little too seriously. KS, I'm talking to you! I'm not sure if its entirely her fault, though, considering she is playing Bella Swan- one of the most annoying literary characters to ever walk across a page of a book. Wah wah wah. Wah wah wah.  I can't stand her (Bella). There, I said it!

So take all of the above mentioned,  combine it with cheesy one-liners; oozingly cheap special effects; ridiculous contacts and make-up that could have been better done by a Junior High Drama Club and you've got yourself New Moon! Wrap it up in a golden bow and take that puppy to the bank!  The kids will love it! Really, they will. And that's sad.  As a fans we seriously deserve more/better, dammit! Maybe in Eclipse?

New Moon positives: The Volturi, the scenes in Volterra,  Dakota Fanning (!!!), Jacob Black sans shirt, the soundtrack. And did I mention Jacob Black is often shirtless? The werewolf fight scene betweet Jacob and Paul was also pretty wicked.

2 out of 5  GENEROUS cupcakes

Now if you'll excuse me I have a beautiful, yet ridiculously sparkly, vampire to attend to!

Love,

ekg♥

Where the Wild Things Are

Dear The Internets,

I saw Where the Wild Things Are last night. I'm having trouble putting my thoughts together on it. I thought that if I slept on it, something might come to me, but nope...

I was very delighted to see the book come to life on the big screen. It was visually pleasing, the score agreeable. The set was magnificently stimulating, as were the costumes. The story was beautiful, sweet, and sad. I did cry, let me just put that out there right now!  Tears will be shed.

My biggest issue with Jonze's vision is the fact that he developed an intricate expanded story with intricate characters  then went on to let them deflate on their own towards the end. Also, the movie could have been shorter, much shorter. The sadness seemed to drag on for everrrr, with that many r's.

Even when Max was back home with his mother I was not happy. All I could think of was the fate of the creatures he left behind, and that they'd probably have more problems because of their encounter.  No one was going to be okay.  Not Max, not Carol, and definitely not the one-winged rooster, Douglas.

I'm not sure about everyone else but I left the theatre feeling empty and melancholy. Almost despondent?  And with a big urge to read the classic book immediately so that I could rid myself of the burning affliction bestowed upon me by a brilliant man with very good intentions.  Hmmmmmmm...

Definitely worth seeing for yourself.  I may go a second (or third) time myself  just to reprocess it.

Younger children and suicidal adults need not apply.

3.5 out 5 cupcakes; for being beautiful.

 Rumpus-ly yours,

ekg♥

Jennifer's Body

Dear The Internets,

A dear friend saw and loved Jennifer's Body this week and our conversation reminded me that I should share my thoughts on it with you, even though it's been out for a depressing  x amount of weeks now.

Let's be frank; I want to have babies with this movie.  Lots of them! And while we are being honest, let me also tell you that when I found out Megan Fox was Jennifer I was beyond annoyed. I was kind of a Megan-Hater prior to this movie...which is weird because I would never watch Transformers and her part as Carla Santini in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen is but an insignificant blip in teen-movie heaven.  Off the top of my head, I can't even think of anything else she's ever been in so it's weird that I would dislike her so much for no good reason.

My utter annoyance for the lead actress was not enough to trump my love for Diablo Cody so, unwillingly,  I went. Even as the movie was starting I kept thinking "Uuughhhh Megan Fox!" (For the record: my dislike for her had nothing to do with any disdain towards her pulchritudinous appeal! That's not my style.) But moving on...

Bollocks!  Spank me with a stiff monkey tail and colour me surprised. She blew my mind with her portrayal of Jennifer Check in ways that teenage boys only dream of! Oh and the Codyspeak, how I loooove the Codyspeak.

Jennifer's Body is: humorous, consciously cheesy, slightly twisted, pretty to look at, a good way to spend 102 minutes.

Jennifer's Body is NOT: supposed to be seriously "scary", nor is it the total shitfest that people are making it out to be.

I give it 3.999 out of 5 cupcakes and a tongue in my cheek for good measure.

Satanically yours,

ekg♥

P.S. Come over so we can sit in my room and listen to Maroon 5 records.

Zombieland!

Dear The Internets,

Finally! A movie breaking down zombie survival that  actually stresses the dangers of public bathrooms.

If you haven't already, you NEED to see Zombieland! It's vital that you do. Imperative, even! Let me make this an official review by calling this film a hilarious good time in a bloody handbasket! Woody Harrelson is a God and I am a believer.

4 out of 5 bloody human-heart cupcakes!

Hope all is peachy keen with you and that zombies have not overtaken your city and eaten your brain. In the event that they have, however, the only thing for you to do now is to nut up or shut up (see Rule #30). Godspeed!

Sincerely, 

ekgArizona♥

Whip It!

 Dear The Internets,

Whip It was incredibly entertaining! Juno is a really great skater, makes me hate my parents for never letting me rollerskate as a child. Grrrr! What was their deal? But, really, I'm not BITTER or anything.

I give it 3 out of 5 cupcakes. Lost points for the dumb love/crush story that was completely irrelevant and/or useless.

Sincerely,

ekg♥