Sunday, November 29, 2009

"I Used To Have A Heart"


I got suckered into placing an order at by one of the zillions of emails they bombard my inbox with. (It's almost to the point of harassment!)  At first the 30% OFF didn't seem enticing, but then I saw that a Betseyville purse I'd been dreaming about was half off ($59, org. $118) Well, damn. You, and they, know I can't say "no" to THAT. So...I was a naughty ekg and bought some stuff  (dress, glasses, halloween costume,  and the bag of my life).

Admit it, its darling! Happy early birthday to me? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!

When the package comes, I shall have a full report.

Until next time!


Fantastic Mr. Fox

Dear The Internets-

I must be brief.  Fantastic Mr. Fox was...well, pretty cussing fantastic. George Clooney has always been a fox in my eyes and now he gets to be one literally. Thank you, life. For little enjoyable treasures such as this.

4 out of 5 stolen cupcakes



Saturday, November 21, 2009

"You Are What You Love"

Dearest The Internets-

This is a happy entry. One to make you smile.  I've been feeling completely bogged down and mentally exhausted this month. I needed this. And so did you?

Still yours,


Thursday, November 19, 2009

"The Twilight Saga: New Moon"

Dearest The Internets-

So, as mentioned in my last post I saw New Moon last night. (Neener neener, I saw it before you!) Just kidding.

Guhhhhhhh...where to begin? Let me preface this review by saying that I am a big fan of the Twilight Saga books. And now, to slaughter all your hopes and dreams...

 (awesome screencap courtesy of: me!)

The movie was...boring. This is not a total surprise, however, because "New Moon" is actually my least favourite of the books. I find it dull and painful to read. How much time can one spend reading about Bella's pain and anguish? PASS! The movie managed to capture the essence of the book completely, which I guess is a good thing if you enjoyed reading about Bella Swan's misery for hundreds (feels like thousands) of pages. I did not. So you can see that I went in with a bias.

Throughout the movie, I found myself not being able to pay attention (see: texting, staring at the ceiling, squirming in my chair, etc). I also found myself quietly snickering at parts that I'm almost positive weren't meant to be funny. I will admit that as soon as Bella and Alice get to Volterra, I started to enjoy the cheesefest more. Unfortunately, it's already a little too late by that point, no? The studio wants to tell you that the movie is 130 minutes long, but I think that's a farce! This movie is actually a VAMPIRE and its 130 years long. Or at least that's how long it felt.
New Moon Twitter  texts:
10:17- NEW MOON!
10:36- LOL @ glittery edward
10:54- I don't care what anyone says, kristen stewart is a horrible over-actor.
11:13- Not going to lie, kinda disappointed. 

11:14- But the soundtrack is good. I hate bella.
11:19- SPOILER ALERT: Jacob is really buff!

11:20- Jacob just took his shirt off. That's good.
11:43- SPOILER ALERT- Jacob is a werewolf.

12:17-They're in Volterra. This movie no longer sucks. Much like the book, I guess.
12:39- SPOILER ALERT- I think there's going to be another movie.

Can you feel my pain?

And can I please talk about Kristen Stewart, the queen of overreaching? I can't stand her style of acting. Remember that episode of Friends when Joey was talking about his acting method? AKA "smell the fart?" SOMEONE took that advice a little too seriously. KS, I'm talking to you! I'm not sure if its entirely her fault, though, considering she is playing Bella Swan- one of the most annoying literary characters to ever walk across a page of a book. Wah wah wah. Wah wah wah.  I can't stand her (Bella). There, I said it!

So take all of the above mentioned,  combine it with cheesy one-liners; oozingly cheap special effects; ridiculous contacts and make-up that could have been better done by a Junior High Drama Club and you've got yourself New Moon! Wrap it up in a golden bow and take that puppy to the bank!  The kids will love it! Really, they will. And that's sad.  As a fans we seriously deserve more/better, dammit! Maybe in Eclipse?

New Moon positives: The Volturi, the scenes in Volterra,  Dakota Fanning (!!!), Jacob Black sans shirt, the soundtrack. And did I mention Jacob Black is often shirtless? The werewolf fight scene betweet Jacob and Paul was also pretty wicked.
2 out of 5  GENEROUS cupcakes

Now if you'll excuse me I have a beautiful, yet ridiculously sparkly, vampire to attend to!



Wednesday, November 18, 2009

"Purple Rain"

Dearest The Internets-

Oh happy day!

Well, almost.

I'm getting ready to go to the screening of New Moon.  Yes, I'm that person. Anyway... I bought this amazing scarf today and even though there was a fun array of colours available, I chose purple.

Just yesterday I was telling my study group that I was not obsessed with the colour purple and that people who obsess over a colour (especially pink) are creepy and freak me out. Unfortunately for me,  I happened to be wearing a black and purple heart-print scarf (Thanks, Miley Cyrus!), a purple ring, and purple toenails. Way to make a case, right? Right.  I don't remember how the conversation got started but I swear it wasn't as hypocritical as it sounds.

Oh, after today I also have an new amazing purple double kiss-lock wallet. I will have you know that I put back a jar of real honey, some cranberry pomegranate juice, and bathroom cleaner to ensure I wasn't over my limet. (SAD!) But believe you me, Internets, I'm NOT obsessed with purple. I'm not. Really.

Or am I?

On a terribly upsetting note: I can't find my Cullen Family Crest...okay, I'm that girl but I swear that's the extent of my madness! Well, if you don't count my Edward poster.  I wanted to wear it on the new scarf tonight. You know, just to be ultra sassy. But alas, it's gone. Woe is me.

Yours truly,


Thursday, November 12, 2009

"Mirror Error"

Dear Internets!

I'm going to do something I don't want to do. I'm going to post poor-quality cell fone pictures of the best part of my outfit today. Behold! The best belt in the entire universe!

**dress: wet seal (?), necklace: forever 21, belt and flower: torrid
not pictured: cardigan: old navy, leggings: torrid, shoes: steve madden, bangle: for love 21 
**note: my dress is not dirty, the mirror is. Stay classy, ekg!

This outfit could have been even more amazing had I been able to wear the flat slouchy boots I'd set out. Unfortunately,  some boy told me this morning that the high in Phoenix for today was 90 degrees. It was definitely no more than 76! For shaaaame!!!

Yours truly,


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

"Science vs. Romance"

Dear The Internets,


Hmmmmm....I hate dating, honestly. Maybe I don't hate it. I just hate the fact that I'm not very good at it. It's just hard. It's hard to share yourself with a stranger, in my opinion. I have an irrational dislike for that so I usually end up "dating"/"liking" people from my day to day life. Neighbors, coworkers, schoolmates, boys who work at Wells Fargo, etc. That has not worked out so well, let me tell you. I mean, at first I will say that yes- dating people you already know is rather useful. They know your quirks already, so they're not surprised by the random shit you do. Many of them have seen how you look like in the morning...hallelujah! Etc. Etc. Etc.

However! (Oh yes, there is always a HOWEVER when it comes to things that seem easy) things don't always go as smoothly as one would hope. And by that I mean that things usually turn to shit rather quickly.

Dating only people you already know is really hard to maintain.  Because you're limited, first of all, to who you date. More importantly, when things end (and trust me, they usually will) it will be that much harder to let go because you don't want to kick them out of your life completely, yet they really need to go away. ASAP. Or, you will find yourself having to be all avoidant and weird because you don't want to run into them even though you most likely always will.

Following me, Internets?

Dating as a FAT GIRL is even trickier. Most guys who are my age (or close to it) do not want to date a fat girl. They don't care that I'm fucking fabulous. They don't care that I'm stylish. They don't care that I'm smart and reasonably educated. They don't care that I'm a really great kisser and relatively flexible.  All they care about is what their friends will say. Oh, rubbish! So obviously, there isn't alot of honest-t0-goodness dating opportunities with these cats. And really, a girl needs another friend with benefits or one-night-stand like she needs another chin.

Then there is the flip side. Those guys who looooooooove fat girls, sometimes a little too much. It's creepy, really. To only be enamoured to a person's size? That's randomly nuts!  But it happens. And these guys always seem to find me too, whether it be online or at the supermarket.

Attention! The following line is NOT flattering to fat girls.

"I'm not usually attracted to bigger girls, but...." Neither is "I have this thing for Big Beautiful Women."

Really? Because I don't have this thing for Weird Creepy Men approaching me in parking lots.

If one more guy says this to me, ever, I may just jump off a cliff (into a pool of pudding, of course!) Mmmmm....I love chocolate pudding.

Anyway, yeah.  I hate dating.

Yours truly,


Sunday, November 1, 2009


Dear My Lovely The Internets,

Halloween 09 was a success. Good times were had by all, and by that I mean me. Cupcakes. Tricks. Treats. Parties. Friends. Dancing. Overpriced drinks. Regular priced drinks.  Drunken Mexican there anything better?

Saw so many fabulous costumes, especially at Amsterdam. Lady Gagas, Edward Scissorhands. Circus Troupes. Sailors. Saints. Jon & Kates. Flappers. Zombie Startrek. Mario Bros. characters. Robbers. Cops. Gobblins. Ghouls...I LOVE IT ALL!

Katy Perry wants to punch all the flapper girls. Coincidentally, I want to punch all watered down pseudo-pop stars. But...she is adorable, so whatever.

Can't wait until next year!